Posted by Joanna Pilatowicz Thu, November 30, 2017 17:26:11
room was dark. Only the candle was giving a little shadow. The clock
was showing just after midnight. It was so peaceful. Too peaceful.
Unable to move, Jo was looking at the candle and wondering: I can’t
stand this, why am I feeling so sick? This feeling is terrible. It
brought her to the point of panic: Will I die? She was asking herself
speechlessly. Then she saw a shadow, getting larger and larger, until
she could see the lines like a hooded person in a long, dark robe. He
wasn’t moving, just standing there and she thought it is just a
hallucination. There is nothing wrong with this shadow. She tried to
calm herself down. So she thought, not only I am feeling sick, I
obviously have an unwanted visitor. The candle was usually what kept
such visitors at bay in her opinion. She always put a candle there to
have a good night sleep. Then why was this not working tonight?
"Eventually it will." She heard a voice in her head, but it felt like a male voice, not her own.
"What?" She sat up a bit and blinked her eyes. "You are talking?"
"Who are you? In the name of…"
"Yeah, yeah… Jesus Christ or whatever. Drop that esoteric teachings. Don’t you remember?" He was rather peaceful in his tone and not even irritated.
"Are you coming….?"
"You really have to ask this question? Of course I am not coming from the light. Do I look like light?"
"Don’t come here? Don’t you remember?"
"Remember what?" Now she had a feeling she was not only hallucinating but also suffering from some kind of amnesia.
"You called me."
"You are in denial."
"You don’t look like psychologist. Would you say who are you? You look like… death? Now I really am hallucinating."
"Bingo. Indeed, some call me that."
"But you don’t have… a scythe."
"C’mmon you are not traditional yourself, so why do you require me to have such a prop. People expect it, but is not my choice."
"So you are not this terrifying skeleton in black killing people?"
She almost felt sorry she said that and perhaps hurt his feelings, very human like.
"Can you take off your hood?"
The silence was making her more curious but she just waited.
"Hmmm." He slowly took the hood off.
"Wow!" He’s gorgeous, she thought. "You look like… like an angel!" Jo’s fears were exchanged for an obvious excitement she couldn’t hide.
"Angel of death. That is another name… that people use."
"Isn’t that better than skeleton?"
"It is just another form of labelling somebody. Humans label not only humans, everything has to be named, classified, put in the right drawer, but they miss so many drawers…"
Jo was charmed by his deep, carbon like but sparkling eyes and the long hair hanging like velvet ropes.
"Sorry, what did you say?" She obviously wasn’t concentrating on what he said, just the beauty.
"You are not so dark or black, it’s actually velvet darkness." She said in admiration.
"So now you like me? How do you know I am not a demon?"
"You are not. Trust me on this one, there were a few in my past, but they felt different. "
"But you were still scared."
"Indeed, you scared me to death! Oh… I am sorry… you know just appearing here from nowhere."
"Don’t forget you may be hallucinating."
"Then I have nothing to worry about… Every hallucination eventually comes to end. After all maybe it is better to hallucinate than to meet death and be dead soon."
"Thanks… Coming back to the point, what do you want?"
"Nothing! Nothing from you! I am sure there is nothing you can offer me now."
"Then why did you call me?"
"Look I am not the one hearing voices that are not there!"
"Oh I envy you that! I hear voices all the time… Otherwise we couldn’t have this conversation. But since you are here, can you tell me more about death?"
"Well… you know…" What did she want to know? Everything of course! How does it look like? Why he is doing that? Can he stop? What would happen then? Is he the only one or the Boss, are there others? What next?
"I can hear you, slow down!"
"I didn’t say anything. "
"Your thoughts are like a waterfall of inquiry. Basically there are more like me. We have a certain number of people for whom we care. Once we finish our job we can move on or stay. It depends."
"On us, it’s our decision, what we decide to do."
"So how many people you have to… kill."
"I wouldn’t say kill. I am helping with the transition."
"So why this symbol of cutting the life?"
"There is a subtle line that I do cut to help. It is to help!"
"Yeah, serial killers say all the same."
"Understand that when the soul is in pain in a body that serves no longer, it needs to be freed. I do that. I release the light, the soul, so it can continue the journey."
"You still sound like a serial killer to me." Jo wasn’t convinced.
"It is actually very important, sacred, a deep and intimate moment. You probably don’t know what it means to have a human being in front of you suffering and looking straight into your eyes seeking relief?"
"I know, but moving straight to killing?"
"I come at the very last moment, nothing else can be done, you have to trust me on that."
"Ok, whatever… tell me then how many people you… well… are taking care for in this… peculiar way?"
"You are the last one."
"Holy fucking Jesus Christ! So you are here to kill me!" Jo was devastated. She had all this good conversation and now it was her turn. She was not ready, so much not ready, but she won’t give up without a fight. She will kick his ass to the last breath… yeah last breath is not convincing at all… What to do? She was feeling the panic growing within her. She was sitting there in the corner of her bed terrified as the truth was revealed. He is going to kill her! Saint Mary or whatever, whoever there is … I should pray now, but she couldn’t concentrate on one single thought.
"Stop it! I cannot hear you! It is very chaotic. Nobody is going to kill you! I didn’t know you were going to freak out. I mean if you call me then I expect you should know what you are doing at the very least. "
"But you said I am the last and you are death and you do that, death, so how would you not kill me? Can I avoid that somehow?" Now she had an idea, she just had to have more information, collect the data and see.
"When you will be ready to pass, you will know and you will call me."
"I won’t call you, I didn’t call you and I will never call you!"
"Cool, then I guess I can go now."
"Wait! Just tell me a bit more. How do you do that? How do you cut this line?"
"At the very moment of someone’s passing there is this line , invisible for humans. It is transparent, if it won’t be cut someone may hang on between here and there…. Not really alive, but cannot leave and yet the span of life is exhausted…"
"You talk about coma?"
"Coma could be, but not only though… The body can die, stop functioning but it is still connected to the soul, so the line needs to be cut, because the soul cannot transition and is stuck."
"You mean like a ghost?"
"Yes. It keeps suffering, it can be really painful and repeats in cycles."
"I don’t know that, because I have never allowed that to happen. I have mercy. I have seen only a few cases. Like a ghost who relives all life on earth but cannot change anything, because everything has already happened. Someone has to help the soul."
"So what they do with such souls?"
"That is the trick. The soul who is not going through, starts to suffer from some kind of dementia. It is harder and harder to get its attention. And you have to convince the soul to cooperate with you. You cannot just cut it just like that."
"What? So you mean if I don’t agree you cannot kill me..."
"Well, the soul..."
"I am the soul…"
"Sure, but you have some… let’s say extras…"
"Portions stored within you…"
"Partly, also your conscious mind, but not really conscious, this scared something."
"We call it ego."
"Ego would do. So the point is, the desire of the soul wins. Always wins. It will cause people sickness to win, kill it even, but it will never let you waste your purpose for too long…"
"What does my soul want then? How am I supposed to know what…?"
"You stop panicking first and listen to the soul… It is this bigger part of you, the strongest voice."
"Sure, how about panic is stronger?"
"Panic is nothing like the soul. The soul is peaceful. Panic can have a hold of you only because you think that is stronger than your soul. Trust me, I am a soul and I am not obscured by any of these additional portions. All they do is mess with your perception."
"What are these portions?"
"Different kinds of fears …"
"Like?" She asked this quietly having a feeling of already knowing what he was talking about, but she just couldn’t really specify what.
"Panic, weakness, insecurity, lack, jealousy… so on…"
"So…" She was thinking . "So you see these portions?"
"I do. This is why I am here tonight. What did you feel tonight?"
"Panic, fear, insecurity."
"Exactly. How you feel now?"
"I would say I am good, but with you around, I am not so sure about it. You confuse me."
"So look at that corner of the bed."
"I don’t see anything there."
"Ok, maybe a little shadow."
"What does it look like?"
"Like an animal?" She wasn’t sure. "Actually it was not so pretty, looking human like or animal something. Very weak, trembling and it is…"
"It is going to attack you…"
"No… I am sure this little something needs love…"
"It is going to attack you and it is a portion of you and if it will not attack you now, it will attack tomorrow or someone you know."
"But it looks so little and so weak."
"Wait a moment…" She was waiting and he was probably rethinking something…
"Keep looking at that corner, watch it carefully OK? No matter what I say now, keep looking."
"I will kill you now."
"Ha!" Jo screamed not knowing where to react first, on what she just heard or on the little animal who jumped on her and she couldn’t shake off.
"Watch your heartbeat, shake it off!" Jo did so and looked at the corner where the little animal now was eating something.
"Keep looking at it."
"It is eating something."
"What do you think it is?"
"I don’t know."
"How do you feel?"
"Scared of both of you!"
"It is eating your energy." Jo got angry. How did she let it?
"What about you? Is it now your turn? Now you are going to kill me?"
"I only said so, to trigger this fear of death within you. You obviously have one. What a strange idea to call death when you have fear of it. You are not rational, but at least you are communicative. At least you hear me and see me."
"That’s because I am hallucinating… probably." She wasn’t sure anymore. "What now?"
"You need to kill it."
"Me? Are you some kind of freak? Now you are talking me into killing?"
"I won’t kill anybody. This thing is probably suffering and does not know what it is doing. It needs help."
"Your mercy won’t help you here. Kill it."
"Well then, I will kill it for you."
"No! Hey, you… you! Run! He is going to kill you."
"You are insane. It just attacked you and you are showing mercy to something that will suck your energy and grow more and more powerful!" The angel of death took out a knife, a glimmering, beautiful knife made of black obsidian. The next moment Jo saw the little creature dying as if all was slowly turning into smoke. It was disappearing. She was in shock and couldn't speak .
"How do you feel?"
"I… feel a weird kind of energy in my body."
"It is coming back to you. It is yours."
"I feel… like stronger or something…"
"Here, take this." He gave her the knife. "Look there is another one, similar to that one, but a bit different. Insecurity I would call it. This one gets you down quite often recently. Kill it."
She hesitated for a moment, but she couldn’t say no this time. What if… what if she could be free from… Wait a minute, what he was saying before about all this killing?
"Stop thinking, kill it…"
She slowly approached the little creature. It had smelt her or felt her, because it was trembling.
"C’mmon Jo, you or him? Did you let the mosquito to drink your blood?" That question was the right one and caused her to push the knife straight into the middle of something which was turning out to be just smoke and then it was completely gone.
"How do you feel?"
"I am…. Really good actually…"
"Like I know what I am doing, like this is right… oh my! Didn’t you just talk me into killing? But damn it feels so good. Do you have this feeling when you kill humans?"
"No, that is a different story."
"You kill them with this knife?"
"I don’t kill them, I told you, I help them."
"Do they think the same?"
"Once I let them through they follow their own way and I see them happy, free. Some had somebody waiting for them, so I lead them to others."
"Do you talk to them?"
"They did not perceive me. If I needed, I turned into something familiar so they had a link, whatever they believed in."
"Like a skeleton?"
"No, not that one. It is really over advertised. I personally find it very stupid, well let’s say, immature, simplistic."
"Hmmmmm…" Jo was lost in her thoughts. "I should be very ashamed of myself now, but I cannot deny I feel so good… You know killing is bad, but… do you have something to kill?"
"Easy, easy… you have this tendency…. We will get there."
"I don’t know, but I am not afraid of you. I am just so curious about you. And by the way, why do you have to be so fucking attractive?"
"No need to be afraid. I am an angel."
"I think you should rest now. No more killing tonight. Give me the knife."
"The knife please!"
"Don’t you think when you are gone I should have something to protect myself? By the way where are they coming from, these little creatures?"
"You created them."
"Great! Why blame me?"
"Don’t take it personally, everybody create them. Sometimes it is your own, sometimes you meet somebody’s else shit and then it sticks to you. "
"So do you have an additional knife for me?"
"Hmm….. I didn’t think about it before. Nobody asked for it."
"Then how did you get that one?"
"That is quite a story…"
"Ok, so you will tell me that later, will you?"
"If you like…"
"Sure I like. So what now, if something attacks me..."
"You are the last one, so I am always close by."
"But maybe I want to kill it."
"Ok, we will think about it." Jo was so tired and now yawning more often, she needed to sleep.
"So weird… You will kill me one day, but now I feel like you will care for me. Will you at least warn me or something?"
"No killing. Get that out of your system… I will be around…"
"But we will talk more?"
"Promise." He didn’t know if she heard his reply because she was already sleeping and had just started to snore.